If the invitation is never offered then it seems fair to find another party.

It’s amazing what you can do when you have nothing else to do

Never Google your mother.

You can learn a lot about a person by going to a parade with them.

I’m on pre-tirement.

The thing I miss most is everything.

Don’t start treating me like an asshole, I already have a girlfriend for that.

The history of my life can be summed up in five local bars.